I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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