i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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