and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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