True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
