You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I love having hate sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
