you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
