erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We left the knife in your bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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