You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
