I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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