Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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