areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
