I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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