a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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