the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize