Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
