I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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