Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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