I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
