Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think my moral compass just broke
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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