I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She even gives head with a lisp.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
