I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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