Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
