Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
