im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
