I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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