Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
