i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You smell like stripper and shame
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
