mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
