for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
