I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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