i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
