Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
