that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
