summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
