In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
