she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
