just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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