i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
