We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
