meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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