He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
