How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
