Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
