ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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