we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
