I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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