please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
