mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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