Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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