In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
