i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
