Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
