So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
