The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
