Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
