I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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