we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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