considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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