Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
