craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
