Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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