You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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